just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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