You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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