I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
