one two three fourrrrnication!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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