omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
