we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
