I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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