I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
