oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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