I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
