She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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