Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
