There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
