just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
