Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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