I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
