All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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