I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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