it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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