the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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