Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
