Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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