Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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