Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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