They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
