I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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