On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
