What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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