When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
