When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my shit smells like andre
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
