Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize