If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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