insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
