i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
