Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
