I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
