Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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