I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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