Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
