I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
