Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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