Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
