EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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