If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it because I queefed?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
