I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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