why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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