why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
