so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
