Will you blow on my dice?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think my moral compass just broke
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