have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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