Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
