Pants 0. Shit 1.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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