I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
