Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
