Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
