If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
