A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Every concussion has its silver lining
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
