Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
