I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We're using joints as your birthday candles
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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