He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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