OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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