I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
