i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
