i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
