There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
