so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
