The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
