Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
thus making me awesome and them whores
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
