"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
