Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
