I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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