The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
