I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
