Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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